Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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