I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just tell him i said nine months
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
