please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
