Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
