covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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