I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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