Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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