Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
