So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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