I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
