I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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