Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
