he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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