I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
