I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
