this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
