he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
