So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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