I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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