Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
