please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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