I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
