I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
