Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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