I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
