Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
