What a fucking waste of an outfit
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
