You smell like stripper and shame
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
