in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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