Your dad touched me again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
