every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
