When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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