I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
