laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
