dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
