i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
