It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
