I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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