I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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