Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Say something about gay babies.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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