he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
