I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
