You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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