What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
