Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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