Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
