You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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