Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
