I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
