my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
