Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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