i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
