He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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