Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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