just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
