some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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