i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude. I can hear the air.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
