How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
