I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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