You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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