I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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