It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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