he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
