Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
