This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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