Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
