why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
