Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
home. puking in laundry basket.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
