Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
