Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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