Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
