i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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