this beer tastes like vomit already
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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