Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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