would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I love you. Go after that dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
