Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it hurts more in the daytime
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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