farters have to be the big spoon...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
