Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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