I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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