I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
