apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
