and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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