the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
