did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
